Tuesday, August 02, 2005 ;
3:20 PM
Somehow, everything that i read and watch today, touched on the word infidelity. Just this morning, a newspaper article is written about it, about how attached people, still do flirt and do the occasional 'cheating' on their partner, and also how largely everyone's view on infidelity is differed. Guys think that as long as it does not touches on sex it is ok. Girls think that as long as you doing anything unfaithful, even if it is just lil intimate chat, it is already considered cheating. While some of the more liberal ones draw the line that although they actually still flirt around and getting intimate, in their heart they know that they are only true to their partner. However, the most misunderstood will be the liberal ones, because from other people's point of view, they will always be seen as the most unfaithful person ever, no matter how they want to deny that it is not so.
I had gotten myself into such a situation once before, can be said recently too. I must have sure been seen as the worst kind ever. Hah! Even i myself thinks that i'm real pathetic at these area. I always come up with the excuse that i do now want to hurt anyone but in fact, after thinking through about it today with so many perceptions thrown at me, i think the only person i do not want to hurt is me. By staying so vague at so many points, by keeping everything so unclear at every stage, initially i keep on doing it because first thing, i myself am not sure about my own feelings. I thrown myself into always the person giving the initiative, helping and treating everyone more than what an normal friend would do. Anyone on the sidelines would think that i'm chasing after a certain someone. And when at the next moment i did the same to another gurl, they would go "Ahh... so fast change target. What the fish!" Haihz, it's not that i change target, it is just that i like to see a girl's smile. But when the time comes that demands commitment, i'll just turn awkward and keep a distance. A coward at love. Pathetic....
Just some random rambling. The bottomline is, i need to do some self-searching.
light my way ♥