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Wednesday, December 29, 2004 ;
7:38 AM
These few days were really hectic and exciting and i can't find enough strength to write into my blog. So here goes an account on what i did prior today. On the 22nd i returned alive from that amusing and exhilirating journey up and down Genting and personally speaking, i like to enjoy such a ride again, except with better safety features to assure my life. On the next day, it was a complete rest day for me, that journey up is quite exhausting and i think i was a bit sick too at that moment but lots of water really helps !! I drank like 6 1.5L bottle and i think i'm almost back to normal after that.

Well, i went to watch 2 movies that day : Phantom of the Opera and Kung Fu Hustle. The former show is just amazing although i admit the director has not done a really good job but i just loves the musicals. It was just tantalizing and i found myself indulging myself into them the next few days, singing along and be mesmerized by it. Well, one thing that is amazing is that whenever the Phantom sings his part, i could magically know what he is going to say next, as though as i know what he is thinking. I did say that the director had done badly and part of the reason to that is because he did not portray the Phantom symmetrically to his musical. I just dun feel anything at all but i understand him through the songs which somehow, operates at the same frequency with mine. Unconsciously, i understand what he is going through, the feelings of love and impossibilty, helpless in everyway although you had tried your best, prevented because of trivial and petty things that overcast the most important part, the love. Did i tell you that i was a bit unwell that day ? I coughed like nobody's business in the cinema and i think that everyone's enjoyment of the show had been spoilt. Oooo, i'm so sorry, especially to Jun who gotta take care of me.

Well, later i joined my sec school gang for a late evening Kung Fu Hustle. I kinda had missed that part where Stephen challenged the folks cos i gotta send the girls home. But oh well, it's nothing actually because as all his shows, they are always meant to be a silly entertainment. All the kicks and kung fu fights can be spectacular but it is not that that caught my attention in the show, it's the part where Stephen shows what love means to him. Love as i believe, should not be something where the whole world has to know about it. Love should be something where whatever we do, we do it because we love our partner and not to please the world to show both of us is a loving couple. Love is something where we support each other so we can both stand up tall and confident to face and enjoy the world. Love is where acts of love and of practicality rules, not the actions of holding hands or saying "I love you" at every moment to express the love. A love that relies on words are shallow but love that depends on actions are deep. Stephen, in the show had not uttered a word of love but showed it out instead. Taking the part when they were children, Stephen challenged the big boys to stop their tyranny but he failed miserably. The girl did not mind that he lost because the act itself had projected out its meaning and it is the thought that counts. (Stephen found out he could not control his life so he decided to rely on the Axe Gang.) Later when they meet up again, Stephen is the thief and the girl an ice cream seller. The scene where Stephen stole away her money and ran away, that scene is the scene where it's the girl's turn to express her feelings. Yes, she did let Stephen take away the money because he needs it but then that very scene had helped changed Stephen to be back to what he was. Stephen had joined the Axe Gang but at the defining moment he chose to help the old couple to defeat the killer.

This is what i meant by love is best expressed by actions where we support our love to become who they are to be, to become confident once again in themselves to take their life into their hands, to be strong and reliable to mould themselves into a respected person. To my eyes, any type of relationships that relies on words are doomed to fail and that is reflected in America where the divorce rates are highest in the world, all because the goverment portrudes a model family that has unconditional love and that strategy is sarcastically criticized in an article "Honey, I Shot the Kids" where the parents allowed their children indefinately to do what they want and give what they need until a time when the children bought guns with their parents money to experience the feeling of killing their the parents. They bombed out their house with artillery and shelled it with machine guns. The hitting part is when they had run out of bullets, their mother provided them with more money to buy ammo because the kids said 'I love you' when they asked. What the hell is this ? This is utter nonsense. This is just a disgrace. Okay, i gotten a bit out.


Personally speaking, if we find ouselves to be in a relationship where we cannot operate without the partner, even with normal things we used to do before we enter into that relationship, i believe it is time that we get out of it because it would only destroy either one in the end. We should become better when we are in one and not to depend on each other to live normally. We should still be who we are no matter we are an item or not. And one last thing i want to add before i close, people says that the strongest love is when we could die for our love but let me add this, those who commit suicide to express the love is insane and they do not know what that phrase means. Just say in a battlefield, you and your love are running from gunfire and you knew a shot might hit when both of you is exiting into a building. You lined up the rear so your love can dash inside first and in the meantime, you try to block the line of sight with your body. You wanted to make sure your partner is safe before you wedge in together to safety but at that instant when you know that it is your time to run inside, a bullet got you by the thigh and while you staggered, the other bullets found you. And you got a fatal shot.............................That is what the phrase means. The death is not caused by something that is inflicted upon ourselves but by the risk we take in our actions.


light my way ♥


;
7:00 AM
Of the many musical parts in there, i find this part the closest to me.

The Music of the Night :

Nighttime sharpens, heightens each sensation
Darkness wakes and stirs imagination
Silently the senses abandon their defenses
Helpless to resist the notes I write,
For I compose the Music of the Night.

Slowly, gently, Night unfurls its Splendor
Grasp it, sense it, tremulous and tender
Hearing is believing, Music is deceiving -
Hard as lightning, soft as candlelight…
Dare you trust the Music of the Night!

Close your eyes -
For your eyes will only tell the Truth
And the truth isn’t what you want to see…
In the darkness it’s easy to pretend
Let the truth is what it ought to be!

Softly, deftly, Music shall caress you
Hear it, feel it, secretly possess you
Open up your mind, Let your fantasies unwind
In this Darkness which you know you cannot fight,
The Darkness of the Music of the Night!

Close your eyes -
Start a journey through a strange new world!
Leave all thoughts of the world you knew before!
Close your eyes and Let music set you free!
Only then can you belong to me…

Floating, falling, Sweet Intoxication
Touch me, trust me, savor each Sensation
Let the dream begin, Let your darker side give in
To the Power of the music that I write,
The Power of the Music of the Night!

You alone can make my song take flight
Help me make the Music of the Night!


This song is full of metaphors. The Night referred here is his environment, his life because he is an outcast of the society and he could only live in places where society is not where they are. The 1st two paragraphs sums himself up with the 3rd detailing his defects. He wanted Christine to love him for what he is and not be restricted or affected because society view him disgustingly. The next few expresses his love towards her, the vastness he would provide if Christine accepts him. The last two lines is what he expects from her, for her to support him and to help him be accepted back to society through his arts and contributions.


Whenever i come to this song, i come to identify him. He is multi-talented, a genius in many areas. He could do a lot of things spectacularly and he would do all he know for his love. He has a lot of love but he could only show it out his way and is not how the society expects it to be expressed. That is why he wants to tell Christine that she had to "Leave all thoughts of the world you knew before" because the society's perceptions is what is controlling us. The society expects couples to hold their hands in public, the society expects the guy to protect his gf no matter who is in the right or wrong. The society expects the female partner to serve unconditionally and to cast out her former life for the new. The part "Close your eyes and Let music set you free" is where he wants themselves to be what they essentially are, childish but mature, carefree but disciplined. "You alone can make my song take flight" signals that it is only her that can make him complete, a whole being.


In all these parts, i dare say that i am like him. Although i am not a genius but i am a jack-of-all-trades. I can dance but it's not perfect, i can sing but i'm not talented, i can talk but short of completely because i stammer and i am knowledgeable but i know no more than the surface of it. What i think of society ? It should be broken down to its core. It is controlling us and stopping us to be what we want. From my experience, why can't prefects be lenient and teach delinquents instead of punishing them ? Why can't a talented person be chosen instead of those with close connections ? Why must we fear the secret soceity when they can be just as caring as our next neighbour ? Why must we be strict on rules when in common sense, should be bent ? I could list out pages upon pages of things that the society is wrong at. Watch Robin Willam's acted movies "Dead Poet's Society" and "Patch Adams", all of those movies are against the society's perceptions and nonsensical unwritten rules.


light my way ♥


Thursday, December 23, 2004 ;
3:18 PM
I was looking for a job these few days and i chanced upon one with decent pay and somewhat interesting job. It's a job doing promotions in shopping malls, you know those people showing you sample and all that. KT called them up and arranged an interview, and also on behalf of SI and me!The first job interview was yesterday, so all of us met up at a place and went to search for the shop. You see, our KT had aready asked for directions and got a Maybank landmark but after we reached that landmark it wasn't there ! We walked on a few minutes before we found it. Good thing all the shops and offices there are in a row. Well, inside there, we got to fill up some personal details form then we were ushered into a room for interview. ( Psst, we peeked that manager playin solitaire before he interviewed us ! ) Okay ~, the form was in front of him but other than him looking at our names, i bet he din read anything else. He did a random background check on us then quickly added that we are prospects and wanted us on an observation training the very next day ! The whole thing ended in 15 mins ! This is really not what i expected... Today was the observation training day and we were supposed to observe our seniors on their rounds and learn.

Cool, when we reached the office to be introduced to our triners later, all of a sudden shouts were coming from a room ! I mean shouts by like 20+ ppl ! Awww, motivation course. Roughly about 30 mins of random shouting again = ='', we were finally on the move in our teams to our target spot. The three of us were divided into teams and mine was to go to Genting ! Lolx ! Genting again but this guy right, he's called Kenn and his driving is really crazy. He modified his Satria into acceleration mod and his acceleration is crazy ! After his first 2 gears i think we are already at about 90+ km/h(!!!) but so sad his speedometer not working so i can't really know ! Anyway, Genting is an hour+ ride for him, he really speeds i tell you. Uphill ? Rev up and turn corners until you can hear the tyres screech ! Then on those small downhill corners ? A freak !! He aligned himself on the outer lane, then turn in sharp until nearly bang the divider and continue keeping to that inner lane until all of us got flung to the other side of the car !! And he still revs and change gear midway !! Then the journey downhill was worse. There are times he almost drift !! Then also a time 100+ km/h downhill !! I can see him very quick handed faster shift down to low gear to control his car !! Then when we reached plain land, he went so fast he zigzagged between all the cars all missing a hair touch and also he went almost touching bumper to bumper with the car in front ! Everytime he did one of those crazy stuff, i felt "accident going to happen already" and during the last time i got into one, i was still very calm then but this time i was afraid !! Oh gawd.
Luckily i reached the summit safely, his gf behind him kept<- massaging him whenever she felt scared of his driving and she does that almost everytime ! After parking already, our driver said stomach ache = =''. Haihz but that did not deter him to do his work !! A monster !!


Anyway, i thought we are doing some advertising thing and collecting market survey cos that is what he said to me but after seeing him work, hah ! It's direct sales ! He wanna brainwash me ar ?! You found the wrong guy man. He is selling this perfume, some so called non alcholic, natural, non allergic and from Calvin Klein! And 4 bottles for RM59.90 ?!? Oh man, it's fake stuff. You wanna know how he operates ?


Here is how he do it : Hi, speak mandarin? ( then change language ) Oh, don't worry i'm not a bad guy. I'm from an advertising company and we are doing a market survey here. Have you heard of CK? Calvin Klein? ( The victim say yes or no here makes no difference) Here i have a perfume from the company. ( Spray sample ). How is it? (Before the victim could comment) Very nice right? It's like you and your bf/gf running on the beach right ? Hahahaha. Today i'm not asking you to buy anything cos we are doing a promotion. This product will be launched January next year at places like KLCC, Times Square, Mid Valley and Sunway Pyramid. When the product is launched then, it will be RM139.90 for a 60ml bottle. What do you think of the price? ( victim says expensive or affordable doesn't matter too. ) Oh, but today we are doing a promotion. For this bottle here, the price is all the way ~ ( his hand then go from shoulder length and drop to his knees with his finger waving up and down all the way !! ) to RM 59.90 ! A 60% discount ! And not only that it's also a buy 1 free 1. ( Shows out two package in front on the table ) All these two for RM 59.90 ! ( Now here is the interesting part, depending on the situation these are what will happen 1) Are you a student? Yes?? If you show to my observer here ( that's me) your ID card, I will give you another 2 more bottles for free ! This is special for students only ! 2) Are you a staff working here ? If you show to my observer here your Pass I give you staff price ! Another 2 bottles into the deal ! 3) Hi! ( give out hand to shake then intro himself and asks the victim's name ) As a friend ok, i give you a special offer. Dun tell anyone else you know ! Other than this buy 1 free 1 I give you another 2 more bottles ! This is special for you because you are my friend now ! 4) Hi ! Brother ! Now i'm going to give you a special deal. You see my observer there ? He is there to check how i sell my stock and i should only can give you buy 1 free 1 but since he is my friend, he close one eye for me. So now, i give you another 2 more bottles for RM 59.90 ! 5) Since you are my last customer lady, i give you a special discount ! 4 bottles for the same price of RM 59.90 ! 6) Ok, now i give you a special offer because you are my tenth customer. Not only you have this 2 bottles, i give you another 2 more bottles and the sample i'm using !! 7) Do you have a KFC receipt ? You see we are doing this with KFC also so if you have the receipt i give you a special offer ! Another 2 more bottles for the same price !)


Woot, this guy really know how to talk ! Since ours has a "brand" name inside, so ours is easy to sell but another team also doing in Genting had a hard time. They are also selling perfumes but their packaging is unpleasant and the smell like soap smell so hard to sell out. So ask for our help. My this trainer, of all things use the same trick again !! Again next year going to launch at KLCC at what crap, price is RM 129.90 now drop all~ the way ~ down to RM 59.90. His first target's reaction ? RM129.90 for this small tube ?!? Failed to we did a small meeting. He said : " RM129.90 too expensive for this thing ? Maybe we should put it as RM 109.90 and how much is that in Japan Jay Shen ? Roughly 2200 yen ? Ok we use this tactic and also put it as limited edition in Japan. Oh yeah, since it smell like soap and the name is called Passion, maybe we say use this in your bathroom and when your partner comes you all will have fun ! Or this one. How does it smell? Like you and your gf/bf bathing together in the bathroom right ? Hahahaha" What is all this? Crap !! He even used that lame gf/bf joke on ppl who had married ! What he think? All married ppl have affairs iszit ? The actual deal is anything there is 4 bottles for RM59.90 no matter what the product is ! And how you persuade doesn't matter all that matters that you sell it !! He use all those crap to cover himself as a direct sales guy ! ( He even once said Har? The way i wear look like a salesman meh ? = ='' )
Anyway, I don't want to do a job that needs me to lie to get the sales. I'm outta here.


light my way ♥


Saturday, December 18, 2004 ;
4:23 PM
Yo! I'm back with a random migraine on my head and lovingly hot body. So, what happened? Hmmm, i went up to Genting with my Sunway Family + Seow Pin on the 14th !! Yeah, another trip to that place, and another time staying at Awana. The last time i went there is for my Prefect's trip. Then the previous time before that is with my school's Lion Dance Troupe. Both times were enjoyable and served to make me familiar with Genting. I was kinda leading the troop when we need some little guidance but other than that, i'm the sick dragging behind >_<. Put that aside, we reached the cable car station at around 3 not knowing what to do next and a very 'helpful' booth attendant directed us the wrong way to the bus stop to take us to Awana. We went up 4 floors, only to end up walking back down 4 floors and heave our heavy stuff across a 100m distance. Good thing the bus is already there, and the ride was just a breeze. The apartment we are staying was a stone's throw away from the awana bus stop, so it was very easy for us to not miss the bus ;p The apartment was.... hotel-like, unlike those serviced apartments i come to expect. The boys and girls were at first rushing for the best bedroom but since we gentlemans are so kind, we gave the ladies the jacuzzi toilet. But somehow they din appreciate it, it was untouched XD.

We went up after the initial packing and boy, it was cold. I should have brought my wind breaker and my headache started then. And this Cheryl was so ~ afraid of heights, screaming all the way up but good thing she had however minute gotten over it on the way down. Our first target was the food court ! Since it is a food court, the prices should be relatively cheaper than the rest, but think again after chicken rice is RM9 and 500ml water is RM3. I got myself a noodle soup costing RM6.80 but the portion they gave is generous compared to our hawkers.

Oki, the pain subsided a bit so we decided to visit Ripley's museum. RM18 for witnessing 500+ items is kinda reasonable, considering these are rare things. Among those that took my attention was the tribal weapon ( axe + pistol combined) and the ajar door teasing our eyes to feast on a lady using the toilet ! Lolx ! I'm not a pervert but THAT is really rare, even though it is a fake person but still ! RARE ! Other than that, i had seen all the others someplace before, so i just kinda pass by them. Halfway through, my migraine got worse and i gotta rest....later after walking out, my condition was so bad i need a sleep and my wonderful friends lovingly brought me back. But before that, we stopped by a Chinese Craft showcase and adored their amazing craft, ranging from glass ball decoration ( that one where some flakes will fall after we upturn it) to metal wire molding. SI was really fascinated by that metal wire molding and bought one frame back with his father's name written through wires. When that Master was crafting, Cheryl suddenly got terribly sick and sonce i'm the only person there who knew what's happening, i just warned the others b4 i set out to get the med from the pharmacy. And the pharmacy was close ! Good thing it subsided a little while later, and after buying KFC for dinner, we headed back. I took a Panadol at night, kinda forced by Cheryl XD Anyway, i know i'm stubborn.

Next day, morning wake up and Bryan and KT became chefs ! Bryan started out by making frankfurters and oh god, we gotta remind him that he gotta slice them a bit before he cook. KT tried his hand on spaghetti and my verdict is that it is edible, he can't make it better due to lack of ingredients but well, i had a good breakfast ! I brought Campbell Instant Soup so i made one for every person. I expected that each box had only one sachet for a breakfast but inside got 3 sachets, now we got a problem to drink it all up b4 we go down. Breakfast settled, we went off to the arcade ! But i was still recuperating so i stayed behind and after some while another Panadol went down. Then i was in the bowling alley and i saw most of them din have a bowling style so i decided to show off abit. RM5 for a game and RM2 for shoes, at least it's cheaper by RM1 compared to last time. I was happily getting ready and i bowled my first. At the last step, i should slide forward to flow the power but eik ! My shoe braked ! So i skidded a bit and the ball was way ~ over and into the drain. Ah.. so embarassing. There was like 4 people standing behind me and watching me ! Bad footwork = bad game, i managed only 79 and any 7 year old kid can get that score !

Feeling frustrated, i went to play Ohmega Force which is actually allows u to hold a gun replica and shoot away at the target. They got two types : training and arcade mode, i blast my shots away playing both of them. Finally feeling cooled down, lunch time had arrived and we avoid the food court at all costs ! We went for the restaurant beside it, and although it was slightly expensive, it was worth it when compared to the foodcourt food, we could not helped but feeling shortchanged. Arcade done, lunch done, so this time it's rides !

1st ride : Motion master -> RM6 -> Verdict :I rather give those six buxks to a beggar. 2nd ride : Snoworld -> RM15 -> -2 degrees, too cold and i'm sick. 3rd ride : Walking outside -> Free -> Colder still, i had to cover myself up like Kakashi to survive that ordeal. But well, amazingly but saddening, time is almost up for home. So we grabbed ourselves a snack b4 we go back to rest. 1st dish -> Telok Anson Chee Cheong Fun -> RM6 -> Rm6 for only 2 strands of it ! and it is cold ! wt.. 2nd dish -> Chicken Pie -> RM2.50 -> Omg, too small, not worth it. 3rd dish -> Lotus Pau -> RM2.50 -> thinking: " must be normal size la cos i seen a gigantic pau on a tray !" -> again so small ! I'll never buy food in Genting anymore ! In the end, all of us made our own dinner, SI and KT had spaghetti again, i had Dim Sum and soup while the others Maggi Cup. I took another 2 panadols later and soon im all awake and joined in the games. SI was patiently teaching 1st timer Bryan on playin Mastermind while i kept on winning playin Cho Tai Ti but that winning streak got broken after Kelvyn joins in >_< Sleep again and as for our last game b4 we go back, all of us played Mastermind. We somehow helped the player analyse and then we derived new strategies and all that. I thought that the placing of the red and white pin got to do with the specific coloured pins at first, now i know it's not lolx ! Well, we grabbed a snack at Delifrance before we head down. I done it again ! i used my international student card and got the d/c w/o that cashier knowing that it expired ;p


light my way ♥


Monday, December 13, 2004 ;
3:54 PM
I am a bit carefree and bored today so this time, i took the effort to read more of the newspaper, other than those headlines that captured my interest. I still remember a headline before : "Panda failed to mate, veterinarian takes over". Omg, i can't imagine the veterinarian having a passionate encounter with the panda. Then there is another one : "Man gets locked up in Violin case". Actually that guy was sentenced to jail in a case involving a violin but the way the headline is is like a guy got stuffed into a violin ! Haihz, what are the editors doing. Anyway, i came upon this interesting article today. "Facing the right questions" by Jaguar Speaks, in The Star. This guy had always written insightful articles that are worthy enough to rethink our current perspective of life and society as whole. Today, he drawn up a program, actually a list of things, to help us evaluate our life.
http://atlas.walagata.com/w/roccdon/Well-Being_Program.txt
Try it out. I scored worst in the Well-Being part but the best at the Environment area. My scores are as follows by section : 22, 15, 18, 21 with a total score of 78. Not bad but there is still much for me to improve, especially my own health >_<


light my way ♥


Sunday, December 12, 2004 ;
4:18 PM
I learnt one very interesting thing today. It's about CDs. You see, i did say that i need blank CDs so i went to this CD shop in Sunway Pyramid. The shop assisstant is very friendly so i took up this chance to talk a bit. She said that now there are 4 types of CDs ( and i thought there was only one type ), black base, blue base, platinum base and silver base. The silver base is the type where we usually use for the past few years. Now these new types invaded the market. What are the differences actually ? Well, she said generally it is how long-lasting each type is. However, the black base CDs have 6 layers of dye while the others have 5 layers, That extra layer is meant to prevent environmental stuff like scratches and cuts to destroy the data. Blue disc and platinum disc are : their long-lasing ability with the blue based coming up tops below black based. Interesting, i opt to try for the blue based since i'm going to use it for animes, so i rather want one that can last quite long and affordable. I bought 120 CDs for RM80, so it works out to be 67 cents for each. Not bad, considering that a guy offered me another standard type for RM75/100 pcs. Ok, nice thing and i brought this whole pack home. So, switched on my PC, i start to burn. First disc, error, ok nevermind, such things do occur. So i tried with another disc. Good ! Done then the next. Perfect. This time i went to double-check the 2 disc. Then this horrible thing happened, it can't be read. Oh man. What happened. I took out several others to try and still the same thing happened. So much for better disc, it doesn't work. I'm going to have them exchanged the next time i go back there. Until then, the legacy of slow computing continues.


light my way ♥


Friday, December 10, 2004 ;
12:58 PM
Hmmm, what should i write ? I'm feeling kinda bland now, like without those nitty passions i used to have. The past day had been, tiring. I gotta go out to get tickets for my Genting trip and all the driving and the travelling has made me rather tired. The companionship is great but quite exhausting, i had just slept again for an hour. Now i am feeling kinda sleepy. I want to get out of my house ! There is just nothing to do here. Everyday it's just computer and online. The games i used to play are getting worse these days. My computer, my line or their server ? I want to believe it is their fault but my computer is getting clogged with animes. I need to buy blank CDs soon enough to burn them out. If the situation still stayed the same, then can safely conclude it's their fault. But eventhough i could play, i think what i really wanted is human contact. Someone to talk to, but jeez, i'm not a good talker. Guess i gotta be myself more often nowadays, my mood is just swaying up and down these days, it's time to stabilize it. But how ?


light my way ♥


Wednesday, December 08, 2004 ;
5:30 PM
Electrifying ! If that is what i should use. It was another normal day in the morning, waking up late but still laze around doing nothing when i suddenly remembered, i had a date with Jun today. Yeap ! Another outing with her but somehow we always choose to go to Sunway Pyramid. This place, had a special meaning. This is where we first met in the bowling alley when i was Form4 ( Jun reminded me this - - '' ) . Well, we got along pretty well and my senior bowler that time, is a person who likes several girls at one time, playboy ? There was once he used this nick - S.T.A.R. which actually means Sharon Koh, Tina... aiks, just forgot who those 2 are. Anyway, liking so many girls at one time, isn't that quite abnormal, Desmond Tan used to do that once also - -''. Anyway, that is not the point. We met up every Tuesday for the Milo League then, and i can say i was pretty competitive then, i was all into getting my team to be the first so i din really notice anyone else. Yeah, i made new friends there but mostly it is either they approached me or they are in the team we are bowling against. Jun then was like, the first girl i talked to relatively much after i went into my secondary school. I was in a boys school by the way, good thing i had not turned gay, cold chills went up my spine everytime i saw one in school. Oh yeah, kinda amazing isn't it. I remembered once, i asked my gang how to talk with a gurl. Some said, just be yourself, some offered theirs of letting the girl do the talking while another gave me a task to write down in a piece of paper of topic starters. - -''. Did he expect me to take the paper out everytime there is a deafening silence? Oh noo ~, i prefered to let the conversation flow, just let the atmosphere handle the talking part. And at first, that way din work at all, not at all ! The girls did their talking while the boys side here did their own. Oh well, but it was an experience to me, showing how things at its worst could work out this way. Then into college, i got an extended gang ( to be termed Sunway family), well there are 2 girls and 4 guys so each to their own partners. Cheryl and I, Soo Imm and Kuen Thai and our boy gang Yeong Hui and Seow Kit. Well, this time, i knew another way of group outing, we could all talk together. Well, earlier on, it should most probably be because i am shy to talk but with this family, I feel comfortable so that's why i could be my real self. Since all of the times when i go out, i would just simply put on a casual shirt and pants then out i go. Today, I actually lingered on to think about fashion and lolx, i am really weak at that. Any Tom and Joe could do better than me. But well, i tried not to flop up. Nervous, yeah i did. Always nervous at the first try, always nervous before i understand. But it ended well, yeah. Sweet memories. *_^


light my way ♥


Tuesday, December 07, 2004 ;
5:59 PM
Oh help, when will this end? A physically tiring day then followed by a mentally tiring night. It's kinda amazing that i can stand this long, it had been more than a week. I ask myself this time, should i let it continue or end it ? I know it is kinda sad but this is robbing me of my time and energy ! If i dun put a full stop, i would be permanently cursed to be a panda forever. And those are actually toxic, i rather have a healthy body. Oh well, my entries these few days had been kinda complaints. When can i start to write happy new entries? Oh man...

Complaints, complaints, complaints,
All these leads us nowhere,
The thing about time to complain,
Should be used to not despair,
To achieve the one self you had always been,
To finally change to understand your dream.

Stop complaining but start healing. All Bush did was complaining, so he created more problems, more despair. If he had chosen a different path, the world would be in a better place. What i think is that, Bush getting reelected is meant to be, because he would create the environment where the people around the world would be forced to start to be more spiritualistic and less materialistic. The third world war is no longer a man's war, but God's struggle to lead us back to His fold.


light my way ♥


Sunday, December 05, 2004 ;
8:32 PM
Finally some rest that i really need. It has been a very tiring week for me. 1st is an outing with 2 different groups on monday and tuesday, then 11+ hours work on wednesday and Thursday then finally an exercise bout on Friday. What do you think i can do today? Sleep of course ! In fact, i should be going out with Jun and gang today but seriously sorry i can't. Then suddenly around noon Jun lost her precious bracelet >_<. Eeek, i then wanted to be there to at least console her and everything. But then,sad sad what can i do. Ii wanted to get rid of those sad feelings i am having these days, so i decided to play computer games. I had just downloaded this game, Theme Hospital and i just couldn't play finish it 6 years ago ( it's very long ago lolx) Now i am at the last level ( finally ! phew ~) This time, i want to win it ! But seriously, after playing the feelings just come back. Then suddenly, an online friend smsed me on the phone. Omg, she had reached level 90 in RYL but she wanted my bank password to take something. I then said, hehe, take my whole account. I dun wan to play it anymore now. Then she sent me an sms with 'miss you' attached to it, then i know she is playin that childhood game again. Lolx, she even call PS honey in the game ! Newaz, now i got one less game to play so more time for other stuff. But somehow, the events for the night kept repeating. Seriously speaking, i am quite bored of it already. I want something new. Something that i had long have not done. That is to sleep ! Ahahaah.....nite nite ZzzZZzzzZZ


light my way ♥


Saturday, December 04, 2004 ;
5:15 PM
An outing to Sunway Lagoon Club with my Sunway family. I woke up late though and i was rushing to the meeting point but out Peng Soon just had to tell us he is coming at the last minute and forced me to wait at the LRT station while he is bathing ! Oh well, all i had wanted today is a nice workout. I had not properly sweat out for months ! Newaz, table tennis, a little bit of squash and then badminton is quite exhausting. Considering that this is my first after 6 -7 months, it is amazing enough that i can last for 2 hours or so.
People used to say that exercise clears the mind and the body. Oh, how true it is. My body has been just that tad bit more flexible now. As for my mind, i finally had everything that is happening around me cleared up. I made my stand clear this time, owing much to what i had discovered yesterday. This time, i did not wavered and this time, i can feel that i am much more freeer. I no longer felt so bogged down by wires and strings, it is as though by being firm i had loosen them off. But no matter how i feel right now, my body needs a rest. Finally a good night's rest. End.


light my way ♥


Thursday, December 02, 2004 ;
7:37 PM
Parents, teacher, priests, monks, all those people had always taught and preach us to be a good person with proper manners in life. What do they mean by good? Is it that we should help a lady cross a street? Or give money to a charitable cause? Or rather, to make other feel good about themselves and their lives? To me, the answer is the last one. Taking a look at my history, i had once went into a girl's toilet to pick up a table tennis ball because all the boys dared not. Well, this seems similar to the first one. There was then again a time i paid money for a sticker '323', little did i care it was for charity at that time. The sticker was just special. Then making other feel better? Lots of times, when people are just sad i would just listen and provide some little comfort i could give. When people need a ride i would willingly provide if i can. And if anyone needed a drink but had to go somewhere far to get it, i'll be the first to run there to buy the drink. You want to play Photo Hunt? I'll play with you. Daytona? I'll play but expect me to be the last. What again? Power level you up? Sure, an hour or two before i go to level myself. Want to use my Priest? Take it, tell me when you are done. Rarely did i say no to a request for help, unless i couldn't really provide it or that person just had hurt me but usually i would not remember such grudges. But sometimes, what is it exactly that i was doing? Did i do all these because i was told to do so ever since i'm young or the society demanded that i do so? Could it be of a more individual reason? Just today, when i had nothing to do. I ponder over such things. I concluded that, i was just doing to get what every human being really wanted or desired : the feeling of being wanted. Why did i pick the table tennis ball in the girl's toilet? I would feel needed by my schoolmates. Why the sticker? My room wall beckons me to stick it there. Why comfort people? They needed someone to help them get over it, and i'm there to provide it. To play with you when no other friends are there for you. To let you use my stuff so that you can become better and share with me. Forget the grudges in hope that we will soon become friends. You see, putting a smile in someone's face could actually make you feel delighted and free. That is what i go for but there is also exactly where i had gone wrong. I sometimes made promises that could not be kept because i want to see that smile on your face. I spend you because you wanted that item before you can start to walk confidently again but then i would come back a few week's later to remind you of that loan. I gave you some of my food now because you wanted to try something new but later you can find me begging you for money to buy food because i did not bring my wallet. You need a pen to write but then i found out my other pen ran out of ink the examination hall. But wait, i do not mind all these. The things that matters to me most is once i had hurt someone's feelings. You could well be happy now, enjoying my companionship to its fullness and even to the point that it could seem to be forever but only to find them all shattered when the time comes. You can be feeling that i am a superb gentleman only to feel dissapointed later because i do not turn out to be the dream person you imagine i am. You might be thinking that i always have money for you to spend, only to find later that you will not be able to buy anything later because you felt indebted to me. You see, my regrets always come at these moments when i could no longer make you feel special, the time when i am after all just another ordinary boy, the period when i had no more cash in hand and i had to borrow from the very person i had lent to continue my life. Does all these seem trivial again? It will be when i had broken a girl's heart. Why did i do so? Is it because that the feelings are no longer there or because i do not want her to reach the time when all the wonders are shattered? Is it because that i asked her because she needed it or i needed it? How could it be so that i know what the other person wants when i had not known that person for more than 3 months? How again could it be that i acted on impulsion only to find that i regretted it later? Why must i act on impulsion? Why should i be spontaneous? Why can't i analyze beforehand the consequences of the decision that i might make? Then again, if i had no experience how could i know? Since the elders had the experience, why they still want us to go this path? Haihz, these are going in circles and never ends. I would really like to know when this could end, is it by the time when we die? I see that people still have problems after they died, only that it is tranferred to his close people. Just this other day, I watched an anime called Kimi Ga Nozomu Eien. I relate almost perfecly to the main character. He is overall, good and wishes to do no harm to anyone. A girl he loved had an accident because he reached her late and went into a coma. He is distraught for that first year but got control of himself with the help of that girl's best friend. Then it happened that this new couple actually cohabitated. When the girl had gotten out of the coma, she remembered nothing but after every interaction with the guy, she regained back some of her memory but the memory of their sweet times together remained always the most intact. The guy is perplexed, he had a responsibility to do but yet he cannot continue to cheat her of her feelings. But since he is good-natured, he chose to help the girl recover instead. His actions of taking care of everyone had hurt everyone instead. The coma girl was left heartbroken when she found out the truth. The girl's best friend got locked in the middle to either support her friend or to fight for her love. The coma girl's sister liked him but she knew that it could never work. She once said to him on the beach : "Why must you be so kind to me, to everyone. You have gotten us through so much pain but you wouldn't heal them, its because you cannot." It hits me right on the head. It made me realize and i had found that i had made the wrong choice. The choice to make people happy at all cost. Now, such a thing actually happened.


light my way ♥


Wednesday, December 01, 2004 ;
11:47 PM
Ah, my first day of work in the holidays. Wake up at seven, had my breakfast then sleepily into the office in KL. A quick car's drive would take me like 20mins to reach there, so u can imagine how far is that. However, I did passed by Midvalley but then it din call out for me, i guess it is no longer special to me any longer. Even Sunway Pyramid is getting too small ! There is just nothing to do there. The last time i went with Jun and gang, we could actually brainstorm ourselves on what to eat for dinner. One says no KFC another no McD, then all these trickels along like no fat food, no oily food, no deep fried stuff. I got kinda bored and i was so hungry ! So i said, Sushi King, no fatty food ( at least not those that can be seen ), no oily stuff and no deep fried thing, so better have the food raw, have sushi for dinner instead.
Oh wait, i was at about my work today ! Well, there are still many car park plots outside, i assume that the office would be like empty and dark. Little did i know that there was already someone in there ( the office is in a tower building by the way), so ask ask a bit, can u guess what time he was there? 5 am !! My goodness, this is the first time i have seen such a guy and he is not even the boss....i wonder how early still the boss would start work. Oh yeah, i haven't explained what i was hired for. Well, u know transcribing? I'm doing exactly that for a court case ! An old friend of mine was the assisstant to that workaholic recorder guy, part time job also and for me, i'll just wait in the office for the CDs and the tapes to arrive usually after lunch break. The case starts at around 10 but out recorder people had to be there almost like 2 hours early to set up the PA system. Well, that must be an excuse, i think the more likely reason is to find parking space. Hmmm, i helped them to pack up and sent them on their journey.
Then i went back to the office, now this time, i can observe for myself how the company is. Okay ~, it is still quite empty like a forgone place but that could be forgiven considering that most offices start operating at around 10 so i just hide myself in the conference room (hehe). After 10 mins i got bored of looking at dogs chasing each other from 16 stories above, so i went down to get myself a newspaper. Headlines : Modus operandi to nab illegal immigrants in the country this January. -.-''. This is the most absurd thing i had seen coming out from our government. It's like hey, you announce now by the time January comes all those illegals had already gone out of the country the way they came in. So, no one to catch, utter waste of time and energy. I meant to keep the rest of the news for tonight but i was soo bored, well, i got my mp3man but do you expect me to sing when i'm hiding in the conference room? No way ! I like the chairs here. But should i say that it is a blessing in disguise ? My dad found me hiding here but then he got with him the histories of the current court case that i was to work transcribing on. One by one, he brought me something else to rid of my boredom so i can save my papers for tonight, second, he could have gonna grilled me for hiding in here. Should i be astonished that he found me or should i be happy that he brought me work? I don't know ! He gave me the file then went off, no words. Hehe, now that is what i call a father.
So now, the histories. The Judge becomes my Lordship and one of the lawyers is Raja Aziz. Hmmm. Okay, nevermind. Now let me see how these lawyers talk. "...so are you acting as CEO or Directors?.....cannot separate the 2 roles....bank statement....authorizing cheques...so are you acting as CEO or Directors when you authorized the cheques?.....i think i am both the roles...." Now i see, they talk in circles, great ! Now i know why our court system works so slow. Then i came upon a very interesting conversation. " How many employess you employ now?...Six...more than 100 during the boom time..." So at this time, i peek out to look at the office cubicle area....still dark...time is 11.30am...asoska ~, no wonder my dad din stop me from getting into the conference room, the boss is the defendant here so no meetings. Then another one "...there is no money left in the accounts.." Now this time i really freak out! No money left ! Now look here, i believe most people in this world works for money and when you found out that the company you work for has no money, that is a real disaster ! I was wondering how the hell my dad could pay my credit card bills when the company he works for has no money at all ! Arrggghhhhhh.......( fading ~ ) jeez, i freak out too early. There are inter-company accounts and this company here i'm working for is a subsidiary of a parent company. Now i know where the money is coming from now, i can finally heave out a relieving sigh.
I guess i'm a bit naive thinking that there would be a bell or something that rings when lunch hour comes. I was waiting for that precise moment to get out of this freezer conference room. Of my wildest dreams, my father could actually pop out from the door with chicken rice nicely packed. Ah well, another classis example of not getting what you wished for. Good thing the lunch is still warm ^ ^. Then all of the sudden, he told me i had 20mins or so to get it all down into my stomach and get going to the court ! Oh man, did he just forgot that i am a slow eater ! 20 mins is not enough for me to savor my food ( if it is Audwee working sure die la...chicken somemore). I had to stuff it all down and follow my dad out, only to find myself in KFC to buy snack meals.
Having to fight with food is bad enough but having more food in front of me is giving me the feelings that i had lost the battle. Argh, i am not going to keep it on my lap, i rather hang it on the car lock and look out for KL scenery. We were heading for the High Court to get my tapes and these food to our hardworking recorder guys there. When i was going to take the food out from the car, my dad mysteriously tells me to take the trolley along too. You know, that kind of trolley that aunties used to take with to the pasar malam and then stuffing those vegetables into the trollet till like the meat at the bottom could become fillet. My first deducement is that this could be a gift to the judge but then again it could only happen when pigs could fly. So maybe its for me to put the KFC and roll it to the guys. Again it cannot be, because they are in those plastic bags. So could it be that there are vegetables growing in the High Court garden for us to pick ? I peek inside, answer is no. Oh well, i see no point in carrying it but eek, part of the job isn't it? Sometimes, absurd things do happen just like the headlines today. I tried to walk in casually, hoping that...aiks, the guards stopped me. I must have seemed to be a very very suspicious guy who of all things is carrying KFC and that stupid trolley into the High Court grounds. Worse still, i could not even answer a single question from him properly ! He asked which court, i said i dunno. He asked what was in the plastic bag. I said food. ( Is he blind?!? ) Then again asked what is it for. Me : makan ( eat ). I think another few moments more like this i could end up in the police station when my wonderful saviour had arrived. My good old friend sure knows when to appear to full effect. He got his food, i got my tapes and we left for our jobs but he gave me a tip before we parted, the less you talk to the guard the safer you will be. Ermmm -.-''
Now back to the office, so i plug in the laptop to start to transcribe from the CD. From the thickness of the laptop i think it is much more ancient then my eldest sis's former pre-historic laptop. It is a 2.3 whole inches thick ! My goodness, a laptop 10 years old could only be 1.6 inches thick, i can't imagine for this laptop. And good to its name-..wait...age-sake, i cannot hear a single sound coming after playing the CD. I think even the charity homes would have better laptops than this, at any other time throughout the years ! I ditched it aside, and went into a room to use their desktop. Hmmm, classic desktop..the speed? i searched around the casing for some sticker but my inquiry stopped just there, " Powered by Pentium Processor". Oh gosh, not even a Pentium 2. But really, a business desktop is just amazing. It is running on WinME. But still i am not satisfied with it. Since the recording has 4 mics, so i opened 4 programs to listen to them. 1 finished importing...2.....3.....4.... done. Start playing. Good ! Lakshyo lakshyo... this computer is just amazing ! It is able to multitask such a heavy program even on a Pentium 1 !! Once i had reached the word 'multitask' in my mind the computer crashed. Oh great, i just knew it.
Transcribing is hard work. Not only do i need to guess their mumblings, or some extreme loudness( not yet shouting) in that manner, i still had to be put up with some ridicolously roraing vehicles ( I heard the walls are about 5 inches thick ) and worse of all, a slow computer ! To spice up things, we compete. We had 3 transcribers, and i'm great yeah !Most chatters with me knows that i type very fast. You know what, I'm in the top 3! ( Don't throw tomatoes at me >_<). Okay okay, but 'fast' though we were, we could only finished it at around 8, a whole 5+ hours work ! But that is only the morning session, i intended to do overtime at home but then since we are going to be free in the morning tomorrow, so we planned to do it then.
Since it was so late, so it's kinda impractical to cook so I and Dad went to eat. My dad is curious, he opted to ta bao ( take away ) food home to eat -.-''. Now back at home, had a satisfying bath and dinner, here i am writing my blog and dreaming and missing ~


light my way ♥


;
5:27 PM
I gotta admit that i do bot too, if not how can i handle the stress of leveling Business to his levels. I had not known leveling hardship yet >_<. In the meantime however, I was playing MyRYL. RYL is Risk Your Life and the chinese version is Gamemyth. I had some experience playing Gamemyth, so it was easy playing the My version while i was botting. I remembered once i was botting a shop, and i raked in about $12m @@. Hehe, I first noticed the power of party leveling in RYL. With a good party of Priest, Warrior/Defender, and a puller-type, expect a few levels in a day. Once you reach the 70s, it would be 1 level a day then slower. Somehow, i noticed that the leveling speed follows an exponential graph. Well, it is the same for every game i think.
The max level in RYL is 95 and i reached 82, and that is a fairly high level, capable enough to defend or attack. But since i play a Priest, I could only be supportive and i am always behind front lines, so kinda bored after a while. Hmm, RYL has given me many firsts. In this game, i could actually meet up with so many other people and make friends with them, some of them are as near as KL and the farthest is Toronto in Canada. I had seen among them feelings developed, trusts shared and eventually meeting up each other. And the trust that i am mentioning here is a trust rarely seen, they could be willing enough to actually share their accounts ! I myself had my account shared with a few people as well. How come this trend had developed ? Wouldn't that people would be more protective of their account when they are high leveled, with the most probability of having the best items ? Such an account could easily sell for US$150 but yet people shared. To me, part of the reason i shared is because of the game's design, once we reached the higher levels, we could have been playing the same character for at least 3 months ( for people who are 70% of crazy gamers ) and that is like 6 - 8 hours a day, everyday. So after 3 months, anyone who are not single-minded would be bored to tears playing the same characters. So consequentially, people traded accounts to try other high leveled characters. I for myself had other accounts with similarly high leveled Defender, Assassin, Cleric, Templar and Gunner. At the same time too, at least 5 other people in the game had my account details. Am i afraid that they will steal it away ? Well, there was the fear initially but after 2 months of doing so, I am still playing my account. So, interesting trend isn't it ?
But then again, I found out RYL had reached its limits currently. There isn't any major upgrades/patches but only constant fine tuning. Well, such development would not keep the customers because they want new things and those be frequent enough too. So, sayonara RYL, I will come back when your development course changes.
Ah, Ragnarok Online is the game that amazes me. Not only does that it has a lot of changes, mRO is already episode 8. But the most fantastic thing is that there are advanced classes ! It had been rumoured for quite a while, it had been so unsubstantianal that i thought it was a gimmick by private servers to attract more players. Well, it did come true ! And much to the new skills, it had made the game the better the ever ! So for now, back to mRO.
I like being a traveler, seeing new things and observe the others who are different from me. Well, i guess i showed that out by hopping from one game to another, only to sometimes find that i return to the same place.



light my way ♥


mE ;
I'm Rejax - JS.
020686
Malaysia

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