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Saturday, April 30, 2005 ;
1:55 PM
黑乌, 好像代表我此刻的心
我开口, 只是会遇见冷酷墙壁
我的泪, 你已永远不看在眼内
你只希望我快点离别

想哭, 来试探自己发疯了没
我世界, 又再次炸成了碎
无所谓, 反正这些可重起多一回
但愿绝望和无奈远走高飞

你会回
对不对
不再让我一人愧
夜越黑
心流泪
想你心好未
我的世界只剩天黑
永远安宁定没

黑不黑
不能睡
没有人愿陪我泪
夜越黑
梦违背
有谁肯安慰
我的世界将被摧毁
或许颓废也是
另一种美

All these were on my mind and unknowingly, it rhymes with Jay's End of the World.

*Encoded in Unicode.


light my way ♥


Thursday, April 28, 2005 ;
1:30 PM
When an opportunity occur through events but you are unable to respond, you are not smart.
When an opportunity become active through a trend but you cannot make plans, you are not wise.
When an opportunity emerge through conditions but you cannot act on them, you are not bold.
So says, Kong Ming.


light my way ♥


Monday, April 25, 2005 ;
1:26 PM
Man, i was really exhausted the last two days. The insane schedule in the table tennis competition is sucking the life out of me. Friday was bad cos it is right after my dance class and i got freaking tired after a round from 6 till 9. Then just yesterday, it was from 9 till 9 !! 12 hours !! $%^# !! Can you just imagined how damn tiring it is, i got into non stop matches from 9 till 5, only to rest and had some food to eat. Not only that, the only shop available is that vegetarian shop and i'm supposed to be having my lunch there?! No nutrients at all wei ! Somemore their quality had dropped and they still have the nerve to add more stuff into their menu. They also gila liao lar? Haihz. Sad case. Then once i came back to the venue, my opponent was the president of the table tennis club = ='' So you guess i won or lost? Sure lose la ahahahaha !! But my match with her is damn long, i lost 8-11, 11-6 and 20-22. Kakakaka, idiotic deuce we had. Then later in the doubles, i tak kira anything more liao, just wack only. See can smash just smash only, until the ball ram into all the wrong places >.<'' As for the last round le, i and KT decided to forfeit it, i was too tired and KT's head was spinning from fatigue. Haha ! So the results was, 3 wins and 5 losses. Not bad for first year students against our seniors ;p

Thinking that i can rest my body in peace today, i had to go through the whole day reeling in pain!! Stomach ache ~~~! Ahhh...pain in other places can tahan la...but stomach ache waste time la... T.T


light my way ♥


Thursday, April 21, 2005 ;
3:15 PM
"Only One" - Yellowcard
Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason

I feel so broken up (so broken up)
And I give up (I give up)
I just want to tell you so you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one

Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone

And something's breaking up (breaking up)
I feel like giving up (like giving up)
I won't walk out until you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one who gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one

Here I go so dishonestly
Leave a note for you my only one
And I know you can see right through me
So let me go and you will find someone

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one, no one like you
You are my only, my only one
My only one
My only one
My only one
You are my only, my only one ~!


Let's just be friends, and nothing more.


light my way ♥


Tuesday, April 19, 2005 ;
1:52 PM
I came upon this about Confucius about acting wise....

He had a devoted disciple by the name of Zi Lu, who by nature was courageous but brash. He once asked Confucius: " When we hear a good proposal, should we put it to practice at once?"

The sage replied: "You should always consult someone with more experience."

Later, a student named Ran Yu asked the same question and, to him, Confucius said : "Of course you should put it into practice at once."

A third student who had heard both the answers was puzzled - there was apparent contradiction! So he queried Confucius about it.

The sage explained that Ran Yu always hesitated when making a decision, so he should be encouraged to be bolder. Zi Lu, however, always made hasty decisions and so should be reminded to be cautious. And that was why, to different people, he would give different answers.

Okay ~ so here is what i say. Ever since from young i always took care of other people's feelings nd if i would could, i readily sacrifice my time just to make that person happy or smile. And when there are times my frens got probs, i would always try to come up with answers to suit them. my answers are always different to each person but i din notice that until Chuncky pointed that out to me last year. what i wanted to do is to relieve them so my answers and my actions are always made on the spot without prior reference to anything before. At first all these worked fine, until i made that disastrous mistake, just to accomodate the situation. i lost 2 frens because of that not counting the many others who would look at me differently now. hey peeps, do u call him a sage because of all these crap he is talking? have you ever got yourself into such a big trouble until u felt as though the sky has fallen on you and nothing is left for you to aim for? can you explain why people are so willing to go through a second time, knowing that it will end up much worse than before? why is it that i, after so long, still unable to let go this damn thing? tell me why.... and cure me of this. i'm sick.


light my way ♥


Sunday, April 17, 2005 ;
2:54 PM
I found a new mod game while i was in Blue Server 2. It's called Murder in the Panda Mansion. It is something like Cluedo. You guess out who is the killer in the end. 8 people get to play the game, one of them will be the killer. So this is what happened.

Before the game:
machine: all you got to do is to survive !
islk : the last time i played
islk : i was the murderer ahahaha
islk : killing is so fun
roccdon(me) : i newbie
nicholas : how to play?
machine : i teach you all inside

Game started:
redblood : how to play?
walaowei : run !!
islk: lolx im the murderer again !
green : who is the killer?
machine : all of you must stay away from each other
machine : run anywhere and survive before the time is up!
islk : ahahahaha, im the killer
islk : im going to find you and kill you
purple : how to kill the killer?
machine : only after the time limit then only can kill
roccdon : in the end vote who then kill la
green : who is the killer?
roccdon : the killer himself said who is he liao lo
redblood : i think the killer must be roccdon or nicholas
teal : arrgh ! i got zapped?
machine : someone died
purple : the first death
redblood : who kill?
machine : the killer can disguise himself in the dark
roccdon : first blood (in reference to dota v6)
islk : now im going to kill you
islk : ahahahah
green : who killer?
teal : this is much more fun than dota !
redblood : i think it must be either roccdon or nicholas cos they din talk!
roccdon : wth ! im exploring this damn mansion la wei
islk : i am the killer la...come find me!
purple : shit!! i died !
roccdon : second blood
green : this place so dark wan
machine : the killer got 'radar' to see where are you
teal : like that how to lari from him!
roccdon : omg ! he got me from behind !
machine : all of you dun stay together, he can chain lightning and kill all of you
teal : another died!
green : who is the killer?
purple : i think i saw him!
redblood : must be either roccdon or nicholas cos i haven seen them yet!
roccdon : what la wei! i died adi u know
walaowei : very easy wan see who still got 3 lives then he is the killer!
machine : killer you can kill yourself to disguise
green : the 1st person who died must be the killer!
teal : he kill himself 1st to disguise
redblood : only machine and nicholas still got 3 life
roccdon : i saw you islk!
roccdon : oh shit ! how come once i see you i die wan
islk : i am the killer lo ahahahah
green : how to kill the killer?
machine : only the killer can kill, victims only can run
green : run only?
roccdon : cepat lari ! lari ke hotel!
*zapped*
i died liao. my 3 lives gone. game over. so who is the killer?


light my way ♥


Friday, April 15, 2005 ;
3:25 PM
What is this?!?! Mana boleh the result could be this? Look at it !!





Your Brain is 80.00% Female, 20.00% Male


Your brain leans female

You think with your heart, not your head

Sweet and considerate, you are a giver

But you're tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you!






I did that idiot test again. This time i answered more specifically and look what came out!!





Your Brain is 73.33% Female, 26.67% Male



Your brain leans female

You think with your heart, not your head

Sweet and considerate, you are a giver

But you're tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you!



What Gender Is Your Brain?


Exactly the same thing !!


light my way ♥


Thursday, April 14, 2005 ;
5:09 PM
Damn, i rushing to complete my assignments !! Accounting assignment then Business and Economics assignment. I got the Accounts assignment down before dinner then i asked the most probable person to help me, which is Jun! I'm really sorry that i made you nearly skipped your guild war but i really appreciate your help. I think my assignment is a bit more streamlined and less monotonous now hehe. Then after dinner, i get myself worked up for the other assignment and right now(!), i have not completed it yet !! Nevermind, i'm taking it to campus tomorrow and get it done there. Cross my fingers i can do it in time.

Wait wait !! There is one very interesting that happened today!! Kuen Thai's car windscreen cracked !! When he called me in the morning, i thought it was just the usual of asking me where he is and wao i got shocked that his car window cracked !! And cracked it was, beautifully cracked into spider webs hahahaha!! I called him to transfer his stuff into my car and when he closed his door, however carefully as he claimed, a whole chunk of glass falled off !! Lolx !! He decided to bring his dad to kao tim it but this guy scared someone would steal his car! I was like, hello?! who would want a car which the windscreen break d, and ur cassete player outdate d la, thieves prefer CD players these days. But le he still dun wan to leave it unattended, so he force Seow Kit to wake up from his slumber and take up jaga post. I lent him my Mp3 player so he wun be so bored la. Then, we got his dad to arrive at the scene. His dad then without stopping started to commence his cleaning up work, say for safety reasons wanna take out those fragile glass but those that can still hang on, we will leave it there. In the end, he smash the whole damn thing!! And since this is one very rare thing to happen, i grabbed Kuen Thai's camera and snapped away like an idiot from kampung who just reached the city XD

P.S. Hey Kuen Thai ! I want those photos you know!! ^ ^


light my way ♥


Wednesday, April 13, 2005 ;
3:50 PM
When did this divide appear before us?
I cannot move in this world that i'm unwillingly trapped,
i cannot go forward because i am afraid of the answers,
i cannot turn back because i do not want to lose what i had.

Is it because of the troubles i put myself in?
Is it because of those influences that pulls us away?
Is it because of the pain i wrought in you that pushes u away?
Is it because of the interest between us that had been lost,
the reason for conciliation that had been sucked away into the deep divide,
never to be taken back,
never to be found again,
are those the reasons, or there are more that makes this spell the worst nightmare?

How could we ended up like this?
I do not care that you exists in the first place,
all i know is that you are just an acquantiance,
somebody to say hello, and then bye when we go off,
but somehow, we got to know each other,
we started to talk a little, little stuff that doesn't mean anything,
but because of that, i started to take notice of you,
i started to see the good things in you,
i started to appreciate your existence,
as another person that i can chat with when i'm lonely,
another person to share my inner life with,
another person that i can hang with when i have nothing else to do,
another person for me to understand a little bit more about the world outside me,
i took the steps slowly, because i dun want to stunt the progress and end up a zero,
then one day you came to tell me that you approached me because you liked the guy i'm always together with,
you approached me because you wanted to get the chance to be with him,
you are like using me so you can find your perceived happiness,
that guy gave you nothing more than deceit and foul play,
he claimed that you are the one but he claimed another person to his gang,
he does not feel any remorse at all if he was found out,
he is downright sicko, much worse than a playboy,
my heart was broken when you break that to me,
not because of the person you are interested in, but because of the feelings i had for you,
i said to myself once again, "i can never find anyone who is genuinely interested in me",
my life was beset with people who wanted to get things out of me,
some became my friends because i am rather good in some sports,
some became my friends because i can joke and make them laugh,
some became my friends because when at the last minute, i am there to help,
some became my friends because they have no one else to be friends with, and i'm their last option,
some became my friends because i did not give no as an answer to them,
but i do not mind it, because i can see myself happy after that,
and you, became my friend because you wanted to be close to that guy,
my adventure into the social world has suffered tragically because of you,
i awoke to find myself again that i am just only a person to be used,
all the confidence i regained in that long spell has scattered ,
i can no longer trust anyone blindly as ever again,
i once believed that by giving trust, we gain trust,
but you showed me that it can never work,
i trusted that you will be compassionate as you have always shown,
i trusted that you will be forgiving when i mean no harm,
i trusted that you will one day see me as me, and not as a stepping stone,
but now, it is all over,
i still wanted to believe in giving trust before i receive trust,
and since i had gave u mine, and u showed me none,
i shall step myself away from you starting from now onwards,
you must be feeling glad that i will no longer be there to bother you again,
you could have been rejoicing in between drinks that your life had become easier,
i resent the way you had been acting all along,
i hate those words that you spoke to me,
and i totally find the hypocrite in you disgusting and hell at best,
good bye and i dun wanna hear from you again,
dun hope that i will wish you luck, you will get none from me,
one day, down the road maybe after years time, i hope you will understand
that the person who really loves you,
Is me.


light my way ♥


Tuesday, April 12, 2005 ;
10:17 AM
I owe you that call Pei Lin. Thank you very much. You called in just after i finished my earlier blog entry. Now i regained the strength to do my assignment. See you tomorrow and thanks again.


light my way ♥


;
10:08 AM
I do not have the money. I dont have the looks. I dun take care of my image. I'm naughty. I just nonchalantly let things flow by. I dun have anything you can take to show off to your friends. I cannot be the only one that will comfort you. If you want anything out of me, you wun get it. All i want is just some appreciation, a little acknowledgement, a little hint that you are interested to talk to me. I can't take it when i'm given the cold shoulder, to be taken advantage of just to please you. I'm jealous, so what? I had given up hope already and yet still it comes. What the hell do you want ? U destroyed my mood to finish up my assignment. I have only 3 days left and I had not even started yet. My build up of inspiration to get it done in one night has been lost in one minute. Call me an idiot, I dun care. I need peace now and I beg you to leave me alone. I'm a gemini for goodness sake, dun be harsh on me, I just want to have fun. I dun wan to see you now. go away!


light my way ♥


Friday, April 08, 2005 ;
7:21 PM
I had a dream. Well, it has already been like days ago but surprisingly i can still remember it very well. I dreamt about Ma Hui San, yeah, the gurl in my primary skool. She was just there, 2 seats away from me. I was shocked but delighted to see her there. There she was sporting that smile i used to see so often, the smile that radiates her whole face and makes me put up this face ( ^_^ ). I wanted to call out to her but...haihz... just gone like that... like in those movies where after something that is blocking u passed and the person is gone d. Sad case.

Frankly speaking, i dun remember much about back then. I got transferred to Chung Kwok Primary School when i was Std. 3. I gotta go through some exams to see which class i'll be put in. So in the end, i got into Class 3T2, and i arrived together with a gurl. You see, i dun know who is this gurl at that time, i dun even know her name at all !And i really can't believe what the whole class had to say, "Ni Men Liang Ge Shi Qing Lu Ar? " ( Both of you are bf/gf ar? ) = ='' And the way they crammed over me, like srutinizing a rat specimen liddat.... i can especially remember that round face with spectacles....he looks so... funny ! Considering that both of us are new transfer students, i guess the first fren i would get would be her. But somehow it din work out, and i end up with Kuen Thai. I forgot how we got to be frens ahaha !!Wait, getting back to the point, other than sticking together with Kuen Thai, the other person i stick with is none other than Hui San. Both of us, did a lot together. Like hanging out somewhere or while i'm having fun, i can always find her somewhere looking at me cheering me on. But i love best those times when we are ourselves together only, we chat and laugh so loud i think 2 classes away also can hear us ^ ^''

But then, i dun have that thought to be anybody's bf, or rather i dun understand the term of bf/gf. I know they would do stuff like kissing or holding hands, but other than that, i have absolutely no idea. I know there is something more to that, but i really dunno at all. So when Hui San suddenly tells me that she loves me, i got really shocked. And since then, i shifted to the T class where KT was, i avoided her at all costs. Everytime i saw her, even just a glimpse, i ran top speed at the opposite direction to get out of her sight. I did that without thinking, something like... it's a reflex. Actually, the reason i did that was because, i dunno how to reply to your questions and to deal with the new dimension in our relationship. So i chose to avoid it. However, i din completely ignore you. That time, when there was a talent competition, you said you wanted to sing a song, Peng You by Hua Jian but you din have the tape. I lent it to you mine so you can practise. And when you are up there singing, i couldn't help but feel proud you are making it and although you got third, i still feel really happy for you. Do you still remember that letter that you sent me, right after all of us got into our secondary schools? I still have it with me, still nicely kept, just like how you put it inside the letter and sent it to me. I really cherish those times when we were together. If anyone were to ask me, what is the 1st thing i remember most of when i was in primary school, it would have been you, laughing alongside me. I'm very sorry i din get to reply your letter because, just like how you wrote, i also dunno what should i write to you about. These days, i asked around our CKS batch about your whereabouts, some said you are studying in Bukit Nanas Girls School, some just reply dunno, but in your letter you said you went to Zhong Hua Du Zhong. Is it tough studying in that school? What was the reason you transfer ? Haihz, Hui San, if you are reading this, please contact me. I've tried the email you sent me, it's not working anymore. I hope i can hear from you soon. -JiaShen-


light my way ♥


;
3:24 PM
So how was it today? I really have no idea. I started off with... touching a Panasonic X700 !!! The one Jay Chou used in his ad !! kekeke...it's so thin and small..if i have one of it i sure lose it within a month >.<

Once i got into the college cafeteria, i noticed Elwyn wearing the VU T-shirt ! It looks kinda plain but well, at least he HAVE his Uni T-shirt...i din even collect mine also..haihz...dunno should regret it or not hehe...then after sitting a while...saw zhi hao and his gf cheryl tong come out from the student centre....dunno what they were doing inside there le hehe....somemore wearing the same t shirt...haihz...no need show off u 2 bf/gf wan...wanna know what they wear or not? VU t-shirt!! kakakaka....felt happy for them le...dunno y tafter so long they still together....haihz...nowadays i kinda envy those who coupled...reminds me of those times passed

then later went to play ping pong lo....gotta train my left hand little bit...now i guess im halfway into mastering liao....the next thing i gotta learn is to precisely control my left hand...then later learn screw ball....then after that le...hehehe... i can copy ryoma echizen...play left hand 1st...then halfway into da game...say...mada mada dane ( in a sense, "u're not good enuf" )then change hands and beat that guy upside down...ahahahahaha....now dream 1st....train 1st...then reality..kekekeke

yh asked me out for dota today...so join him lo....now left with 5 bucks to use >.< but le the game i played was quite fun lo...play dragon knight again....stun stun with shield and breathe fire....fooo~~ then get monster kill and din die also @@'' the game ended at me level 15 and just got my heart....cepatnya ^ ^ yh was playin rhasta...go everywhere support ensnare and put ward only....liddat help here help there he make the other team lose liao ;p


light my way ♥


Tuesday, April 05, 2005 ;
1:46 PM
Ahhh, today was bad. I started off my day wishing i could sleep longer, and there is nothing worse than that. Fine, i can take that in. The next thing that have to happen today is to rain while i was on my way to uni. Raining is fine to me but at least, cannot the sky let it rin continously instead of a bit here a bit there. but i really thank you for stopping the rain once i reach uni. My 1st lecture, business and econs stats, and oh my, she does have that ability to make the unconfused confused. She eas lecturing in circles and circles and i couldn't stand it. I was literally rejoicing that thhat one hour long hell lecture ended. To continue with the bad luck, kt and i to 2 guys, and i hate one of them's smile, it gives me that chilling feel that he is up to something. It started to get a bit better after my lunch date with 2 beautiful gurls and the 2 leng chais. Haha! We went for StoneGrill in SP, and i tried their chicken chop dish. And haihz, i have to cook my chicken and si is really lucky, he had that waiter to cook for her while i'm left alone to fend for myself. Geez. After that date, i went for some dotaing to relax a bit. After few hours into it, i only come out of it feeling worse, and now coupled up with a few sad songs from Jay Chou and David Tao, haihz. Now i really want a sleep to forget today....


light my way ♥


Monday, April 04, 2005 ;
2:33 PM
Hehe, i just had Easter Holidays for a week. In a sense, it's quite enjoyable. I get to rest for a week plus but it's really boring. Cos i dun have anything to do at all !! I know i have an assignment to pass up on Monday but i'm too lazy to start doing it, in fact i had to have started like few weeks ago but here i am, wanting to do everything else except the assignment! hahaahah..... kkk... now do assignment ;p


light my way ♥


mE ;
I'm Rejax - JS.
020686
Malaysia

tagboard ;
recommended read ;

:+: M. Bakri Musa :+:
:+: John Lee :+:
exits ;

:+: Barney :+:
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:+: Carissa :+:
:+: Cheryl Choo :+:
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:+: Ka Jon :+:
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:+: Soo Imm :+:
:+: Toadstools Kingdom :+:
:+: Tracy :+:
:+: Wei Min :+:
:+: Yeam :+:
:+: Ying Rong :+:
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