It's pretty saddening... really. I have been suffering almost 2 weeks of non-consistent internet broadband!! I couldn't even check my mail!! Much worse than that, even going on to MSN proves to be harder than hiking up to Mount Everest. Thanks to TIME. Now i cannot play BTG(figure it out yourself ~) , my mail is going to blow, my blog is left behind in the internet slums and i couldn'e even chat!! The best internet thing i could do the last week was a very s-h-o-r-t entry and a lil chat with godzie. Haihz. How should i comprehemd this? So that i could finally study full time? Geez....

Hmmm.... everything in life are choices and trade offs desu ne? I could finally start on some tennis fun after the haze decidedly to give Selangor a break. The coach is erm... like this...

"Hear me clearly. (pause) I am very committed at my work. I will push you very hard. I won't let you slack. I'll make sure that you learn here. This way, you will improve...."

So..... a tough coach? Seriously, when he said those words, i din feel a bit taken back that i might face some sadistic tennis coach that feeds upon his student's sufferings and cries for mercy. I rather was interested in how he would go about it. I want to know how hard he will coach. But alas..... it's nothing much really -to the exception of one very fat gurl though...- i could easily handle it. Instead, i was always shocked that lessons ended so fast!! Actually, i had totally forgotten about time!! Hehe, seems like i'm really enjoying ;p

And i think this would be a permanent thing, every friday will be the day to have an afternoon out playing sports with the gang. Had squash during the haze week, badminton last week... so what will it be this week? Hmmmm........ Erm, maybe this was already decided to be a weekly event long ago but u know la... i'm so blur.... gomen! Demosa... yoroshikun onegai ne!!



Ishida.... Dun ever die.... i hate to see you out of the story............. >.<



Somehow, everything that i read and watch today, touched on the word infidelity. Just this morning, a newspaper article is written about it, about how attached people, still do flirt and do the occasional 'cheating' on their partner, and also how largely everyone's view on infidelity is differed. Guys think that as long as it does not touches on sex it is ok. Girls think that as long as you doing anything unfaithful, even if it is just lil intimate chat, it is already considered cheating. While some of the more liberal ones draw the line that although they actually still flirt around and getting intimate, in their heart they know that they are only true to their partner. However, the most misunderstood will be the liberal ones, because from other people's point of view, they will always be seen as the most unfaithful person ever, no matter how they want to deny that it is not so.

I had gotten myself into such a situation once before, can be said recently too. I must have sure been seen as the worst kind ever. Hah! Even i myself thinks that i'm real pathetic at these area. I always come up with the excuse that i do now want to hurt anyone but in fact, after thinking through about it today with so many perceptions thrown at me, i think the only person i do not want to hurt is me. By staying so vague at so many points, by keeping everything so unclear at every stage, initially i keep on doing it because first thing, i myself am not sure about my own feelings. I thrown myself into always the person giving the initiative, helping and treating everyone more than what an normal friend would do. Anyone on the sidelines would think that i'm chasing after a certain someone. And when at the next moment i did the same to another gurl, they would go "Ahh... so fast change target. What the fish!" Haihz, it's not that i change target, it is just that i like to see a girl's smile. But when the time comes that demands commitment, i'll just turn awkward and keep a distance. A coward at love. Pathetic....

Just some random rambling. The bottomline is, i need to do some self-searching.

I'm Rejax - JS.
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