Wednesday, April 13, 2005 ;
3:50 PM
When did this divide appear before us?
I cannot move in this world that i'm unwillingly trapped,
i cannot go forward because i am afraid of the answers,
i cannot turn back because i do not want to lose what i had.
Is it because of the troubles i put myself in?
Is it because of those influences that pulls us away?
Is it because of the pain i wrought in you that pushes u away?
Is it because of the interest between us that had been lost,
the reason for conciliation that had been sucked away into the deep divide,
never to be taken back,
never to be found again,
are those the reasons, or there are more that makes this spell the worst nightmare?
How could we ended up like this?
I do not care that you exists in the first place,
all i know is that you are just an acquantiance,
somebody to say hello, and then bye when we go off,
but somehow, we got to know each other,
we started to talk a little, little stuff that doesn't mean anything,
but because of that, i started to take notice of you,
i started to see the good things in you,
i started to appreciate your existence,
as another person that i can chat with when i'm lonely,
another person to share my inner life with,
another person that i can hang with when i have nothing else to do,
another person for me to understand a little bit more about the world outside me,
i took the steps slowly, because i dun want to stunt the progress and end up a zero,
then one day you came to tell me that you approached me because you liked the guy i'm always together with,
you approached me because you wanted to get the chance to be with him,
you are like using me so you can find your perceived happiness,
that guy gave you nothing more than deceit and foul play,
he claimed that you are the one but he claimed another person to his gang,
he does not feel any remorse at all if he was found out,
he is downright sicko, much worse than a playboy,
my heart was broken when you break that to me,
not because of the person you are interested in, but because of the feelings i had for you,
i said to myself once again, "i can never find anyone who is genuinely interested in me",
my life was beset with people who wanted to get things out of me,
some became my friends because i am rather good in some sports,
some became my friends because i can joke and make them laugh,
some became my friends because when at the last minute, i am there to help,
some became my friends because they have no one else to be friends with, and i'm their last option,
some became my friends because i did not give no as an answer to them,
but i do not mind it, because i can see myself happy after that,
and you, became my friend because you wanted to be close to that guy,
my adventure into the social world has suffered tragically because of you,
i awoke to find myself again that i am just only a person to be used,
all the confidence i regained in that long spell has scattered ,
i can no longer trust anyone blindly as ever again,
i once believed that by giving trust, we gain trust,
but you showed me that it can never work,
i trusted that you will be compassionate as you have always shown,
i trusted that you will be forgiving when i mean no harm,
i trusted that you will one day see me as me, and not as a stepping stone,
but now, it is all over,
i still wanted to believe in giving trust before i receive trust,
and since i had gave u mine, and u showed me none,
i shall step myself away from you starting from now onwards,
you must be feeling glad that i will no longer be there to bother you again,
you could have been rejoicing in between drinks that your life had become easier,
i resent the way you had been acting all along,
i hate those words that you spoke to me,
and i totally find the hypocrite in you disgusting and hell at best,
good bye and i dun wanna hear from you again,
dun hope that i will wish you luck, you will get none from me,
one day, down the road maybe after years time, i hope you will understand
that the person who really loves you,
Is me.
light my way ♥
